Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Beauty aside - Let's talk BULLYING!

This is not the post I was going to do today, as I actually had a beauty haul planned... But this is a subject, I think to be serious and important, so I appreciate the reads...

I've been watching Hollyoaks since it started basically - but no story line has ever truly stood out for me like the one on at the moment... Bullying...

Bullying - it seems such a trivial thing. Something you associate with schools, kids, young people - not something that happens to adults, not something that happens to you! I mean I had occasional bullying as a kid - boys pulling your hair ect. But nothing like that on the Esther story line on Hollyoaks - nothing to make you go the the extreme...
Does this look or feel familiar to you? 
http://www.cybersmile.org/
Taken from the Hollyoaks/Channel 4 website no property of my own!
Bullying: Bullying may be defined as the activity of repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person. - (From Wiki - but that's ok - I'm dyslexic!)

In the storyline her bullies are manipulative - making it seem like Esther is the one at fault. When she isn't. They alienated her from her friends. Making it seem like there was valid reason for the bullying. When there wasn't... I may not be on the brink of suicide, but my life doesn't seem far from this... I was bullied in all senses of the word! Even the more modern term, like Esther, I was Cyber-bullied:

Cyberbullying: Cyber-bullying is any bullying done through the use of technology such as social networks, mobile phones and email for example. 

It started when I was 17/18 - after I started seeing my man for a few months. Then, I got some odd messages off a girl he used to date. Now, I laughed it off at the time and told Rob to not say anything. But it went on. I know what you may think, he should've sorted it. But I'm the girl to fight my own battles - but probably left that too late as well... The messages were like something you see off films: "He still loves me ect" so I thought best to ignore it... I mean she tried to add me as a friend on Facebook (I'd never try to 'friend' someones new girlfriend on anything who dumped me) Time passed and she got her fiends involved - I didn't know why to begin with, but it turns out it was because she was saying I was being odd with her. Saying she dumped him - petty childish stuff you know? She's tried to add me as a friend on Facebook again! and tried to get in touch with Rob. But we were just a happy couple trying to ignore it. 
Then, it got worse. There was dodgy Birthday, Valentines Day, and Christmas cards sent to my guy, when she hadn't spoken to him in nearly a year! There was more and more Facebook messages to me. And somehow she got hold of my mobile number - daft arse me pretended to be someone else in hope she's leave me alone - it didn't work! Basically he and his ex had mutual friends which she didn't like the fact started to like me, so she made sure they wouldn't by making stuff up about me, by even saying I was 15 when he started seeing me and not 17!

I'd had surgery during the week - but went on a night out as a double-date-thing for my sister for support sort of thing and she was there - with her friends in tow! I managed to ignore them for the evening. Well until it was impossible. We went to a pub we used to go to at the end of the night and after 20 minutes of being there, she'd followed us with there friends. She then talked about me loudly with lies. Even got her friends chap to corner Robert in the Men's and basically attack him. Then as we were leaving, I said something to my chap and her friends all started on me - I got out unscathed - I can't say my stitches were intact though! They say they were just being protective friends - I can see where they were coming from - but violence is not the answer...

That died down - but every time we'd go on a night out it would be like timed toilet trips in pairs as they'd try and get me alone - it was frightening. More crap from them happened, but it was all very immature a droll so I'll skip -I then started a blog after starting uni -as a way to celebrate a 'new start' I was having after a positive trip home - what did they do? Abuse it. There would be comment after comment of awful things one actually said: "You should either stop blogging - or jump off a bridge" - anonymous of course or under their name with no link ect - then the worst happened - they had my email, blog, Facebook, twitter, tumblr - EVERYTHING HACKED! 

I nearly lost a job because of them - they posted in my name disgusting and derogatory posts and tweets pretending to be me! I was so furious - not just because of the hacking that someone was so determined to be a bully they'd commit an illegal crime to get to me! Rob put his foot down with all this and got the police involved and even showed me to a company called cyber smile - unfortunately a few of the accounts such as my AOL were never recovered - due to the police statement "We can't do anything unless AOL do" but they'd changed all my secret answers and everything so I couldn't even attempt to get back on. 

Even when I got it back they haven't stopped - My friend from uni got attacked on her blog, I've had more comments and they even came up to me on nights out trying to start something (Click HERE)- She bloody shoulder barged me last time I was home! (Click HERE to read more) They've still gone on with snidey tweet's, odd blogs and actually copying things I've blogged or tweeted (Which, ok, is not bad, but I only get a few good ideas now and then, can't I at least have that?) or following the people who follow me, she's even tried to follow me herself, fortunately she's blocked, but they always have sneaky ways of finding things! But it'll never beat me! Though it can be worrying even writing this as I have a good feeling at least one of them may say something or do something to insinuate this is wrong of me to talk about. As they seem to think everything, including (I went on a date today with my guy) is somehow about my stalker Bella, if people don't like something for a strange reason, no one asks them to read it! But even if it happens I know I have a close knit community of friends to support me through it - and a cyber smile case building with all their awful comments....

Now, the aim of this is not pity - but to get a story out there - that those things that happen on the likes of Hollyoaks that we all say: "Oh that'll never happen in real life" - well it does, like all I've said there - except T.V does something that I didn't - went to the extreme - Esther's line was one that got to her and pushed her - Me, well, I didn't, and I never will! I may have had to endure the immaturity of crazy ex's, "protective" friends, odd comments and daft hacking. But none of that will ever change me - I'll always be me! - Well maybe a little wiser to the world of bullying...

This isn't a beauty post - this isn't even a beautiful post - because bullying isn't beautiful - bullying is real and does and can happen to anyone. Whether it's a the end of a punch or the end of the Facebook message. Never think you're any less because of what they say! I know it's hard - because like Esther, I wasn't believe deither. But I was lucky, I had friends and family behind me...

Now, it seems I've rambled on - but it was a subject that means to so much to me because it's close to me... And many of you out there too! 

Next time I do have a beauty haul or Glossybox review planned - so don't think I'm going to go all serious on you all forever - just this spoke the me this past week. Hollyoaks you've pulled on my heart strings and pushed me more in to this fight against bullying...

The one thing you've got to remember to those that have been bullied or even if there's some bullies out there reading: Esther's story is awful and heartbreaking. But, Esther isn't real - she's a character, after she finished "taking" those "pills" she's taken off set... We do it, no one brings us off set, we have to live with the consequences - you'd have to live with consequences...

Just think! Bullying is real! Bullying Happens and it could have to ANYONE!
Visit: http://www.cybersmile.org/

Rachael
x

10 comments:

  1. Wow. I don't watch Hollyoaks at all, so I haven't seen the story, but reading your experience actually brought me to tears.

    When I was young and stupid and hated myself, I used to bully people to make myself feel better, but ultimately, I was just making them feel as terrible as I felt inside, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I regret it so, so, so much, and would't dream of being so awful nowadays. It kills me to think I could have made that person cry themselves to sleep or even contemplate ending their life.

    I can relate so much to what happened to you,because i've been through attacks from jealous, obsessive bullies (some would say this is Karma for acting so disgustingly?) and thank you so much for speaking out about this much neglected issue and sharing your story.

    http://zombieturtlebeauty.blogspot.co.uk/

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  2. This is so inspiring and it really brings it home hearing someone's real life experience, not just watching it on the telly. Thanks so much for sharing! I've had accounts hacked in the past and know too well that awful sick feeling you get when you realize. Let's keep on speaking out against bullies and stop them! ♥

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  3. I've missed out on Hollyoaks for a few weeks now but I completely agree bullying is so unacceptable. My best friend was bullied during school and as I was her friend I also would occassionally be bullied by the same group of girls. It was a really difficult time and it makes me angry to even think about it. Literally shouldn't in any way be tolerated in my opinion.

    x

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  4. It's really brave of you to post this but it also shows that you are stronger than any bully. This girl obviously has some issues. I lived with a very manipulative girl and was isolated in University so I know what it's like. I've also had a girl try to alienate me from my friends because I''m good friends with her boyfriend. I guess what I'm saying is that your never alone and don't let this girl get you down. Thank you for making this post to show that bullying can take many forms.
    Roxy's Box of Tricks  
    xxx

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  5. This is such a amazing and inspiring post, and it so brave of you to put this out there! ♥

    xxx

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  6. You're so strong for opening up like this and yeah it's a story line thats touched me as well! You went through such a hard experience and it shows what an amazing person you are and you didn't ramble on you stood up and spoke out on a fairly taboo topic, it's inspiring

    http://alittlebitunique.blogspot.co.uk/

    x

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    1. I don't know about inspiring, but I tried hehe thank you! The storyline touched me and I couldn't leave it alone - the bullies still re awful and still talk - even for me talking about it this way, but positivity is key! x

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  7. What a great post! I was amazed by your story as my bullying experiences were as a teenager but to hear this going on once you've left school and are maturing is interesting to hear. I'd like to think that people have grown u and moved on a bit, but then I suppose you hear if workplace bullying so often too
    Well done for talking about this issue.

    Jenni x

    Bowsbanglesandbakes.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes, my bully and her friends are like 22 yrs old and I'm 20 - you think they'd mature a bit, but I suppose high school doesn't end for some poeple thank you for a lovely comment xx

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  8. omg she sounds like a right psycho. Sounds like she has a pretty pathetic life if she's spending her life harassing you. You should feel sorry for her!
    I'm glad you shared your story though, I don't think enough people talk about their experiences with bullying!

    x

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Thank you for all your lovely comments, I read them all! If you have a question, I'll get back to you...